I Like Ferrets by Cynthia

I Like Ferrets

Once upon a time, there was a carnivorous purple butterfly. He liked ferrets. They were his favorite food.

The butterfly flapped around the world, eating ferrets and turnips. Why? I don’t know. Ask the butterfly. If you want to risk your life to ask a butterfly why he likes turnips, go ahead. You were asking about ferrets? Why didn’t you say so?

While flying around Paris, the butterfly fell madly in love with a ferret he saw on the Eiffel Tower. Because he couldn’t be within ten feet of a ferret without having the urge to eat it, the butterfly was sad.

Now, the ferret’s name was Flibbertigibbet, which means:

a frivolous, flighty, or excessively talkative person.

Anyway, Flibbertigibbet was also smitten with the butterfly. She - I told you the butterfly was male, didn’t I? - climbed up the Eiffel Tower to say hello to the butterfly. She said something in Ferretish. I don’t speak Ferretish, so I can’t tell you what she said. However, I do speak purple-carnivorous-butterflyish, so I can tell you what the butterfly said. No questions.

Flibbertigibbet: asdfuhalskdjfhalskdjfh.

Butterfly: No, Flibbertigibbet, I will eat you.

(The butterfly could understand Flibbertigibbet, of course, because purple carnivorous butterflies are omnilingual. I have no idea how that happened, but that’s the way the world works.)

Flibbertigibbit: awww.

Butterfly: I know, it’s sad.

Flibbertigibbet: qwieurahsdjkfkamsnmd. uqerjhjwe asfhaskjfqoweri andsfjks cl jsfhksdkjfkhj?

Butterfly: Me? A vegetarian? But… I’m carnivorous! It says so in my species name!

(How a butterfly knows about binomial nomenclature beats me. For the curious: Riodinidae carnivorae.)

Flibbertigibbet: KJSDFJHKAJCNMLOOSJDHFKSFLLLLL!!!!!!!

Butterfly: But I’m carnivorous!

Flibbertigibbet: WUKJDFFXNCMK!

Butterfly: Oh, right, I forgot about the turnips.

Flibbertigibbet: jjjj.

Butterfly: All right, I’ll be vegetarian.

Flibbertigibbet: jjjj.

And so the butterfly became vegetarian and married the ferret. (Anything is possible when it comes to interspecies marriage. Interspecies breeding, however, is a different matter.) They lived happily ever after, at least until the butterfly died. Being a butterfly, it had a life expectancy of approximately two years.

Moral: Carnivores can become vegetarian. And love is really the most powerful driving force on Earth (closely followed by inertia and fear, but we aren’t talking about that right now).