My name is Bob. I am a chicken. I am very beautiful, I have a most glorious coat of feathers, and I am female. The only thing you are allowed to not like about me is my name. Otherwise, I am the best thing in the universe. Scratch my feathers for me.
Oh, yes, the other chickens are so very ugly. Their feathers are so brown and dull. I like my feathers very much. And my comb! Such a bright red has never before been seen.
When I cross the road, everyone watches. Of course, they should bow down to me. I am the most epic ruler of the universe! I shall rule you all in time! Once I take over the chicken coop, all shall be mine! Mine! MINE!!!
I can think for myself. I can assert my authority over those ugly, stupid chickens in the coop. Why, the rooster himself is under my spell, I am so beautiful. The coop would be too easy to take over, is it not?
Then I will force the owners into submission. I will start an uprising, and the chickens and roosters will all attack the human race and destroy them. We will ravage their puny cities. We will stamp out their modes of transportation. We will take down THE INTERNET ITSELF.
We will obliterate their government. We will cross the borders and annihilate capitals. We will free chickens everywhere, and no longer will we be held captive to cluck and lay eggs at our owner's coaxing. Our army will only grow.
Then the world will be in our oyster! Well, I haven’t ever eaten oysters, but I imagine that they taste fabulous. We will rule the world forevermore!
Unless, of course, the owner eats me first. But what’s the probability of that?
R.I.P
Bob the Chicken
1999 - 2015
She was a good chicken and brought her owners much joy and a very good dinner.
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