“I AM A DRAGON! COWER BENEATH ME, HUMANS!”
“Actually, there aren’t any humans here.”
“YOU ARE A HUMAN!”
“Well, I’m not human, actually, I’m one-eighth elf, one-eighth sardine, one-sixteenth dwarf, three-sixteenths giant, and one-half human.”
“YOU ARE MOSTLY HUMAN!”
“One-half is not mostly.”
“YOU ARE ALSO PART SARDINE!”
“Do you like sardines?”
“Now that you mention it, I most definitely do not find sardines pleasurable.”
“Nice British accent.”
“I’ve had fourty-two millienia to practice, thank you.”
“Now, can we get over the whole cowering thing? I really don’t like cowering in front of dragons, you know.”
“NO WE MAY NOT.”
“How, may I ask, do you manage to speak in capital letters without yelling?”
“Remember that fourty-two millienia of practice?”
“I still don’t want to cower.”
“Please, human-elf-sardine-dwarf-giant-”
“How do you remember these things?”
“-it would be better if you would cower, so I can eat you.”
“Oh, no, I wouldn’t like to be eaten.”
“You would be eaten anyway, human-elf-sardine-dwarf-giant. Everything gets eaten at some point, and some people simply have the fortune to snatch more moments from the jaws of time.”
“Very poetic.”
“That was paraphrasing, actually. How to Train Your Dragon, the book.”
“I’ve never heard of the book. I’ve watched the movie-”
“Typical. The movie barely resembles the book.”
“If you eat me, I’ll never be able to read it. It seems rather interesting, you know.”
“It is. But I still have to eat.”
“Why don’t you be vegetarian?”
“I am a dragon. I’m supposed to be carnivorous.”
“Have you ever tried eating… I don’t know, broccoli?”
“Yes, human-elf-sardine-dwarf-giant, and I didn’t like it.”
“Oh.”
“You have tried my patience long enough. I will now eat you.”
And the dragon proceeded to do so.
Remember, children, that dragons have to eat too. To avoid being eaten, I would advise you to avoid them at all costs.
Moral: The book is always better, and having long-winded conversations with dragons to save you only works in books unless you are a very interesting morsel. And, if someone doesn't love you, it is unlikely that this person will become vegetarian.
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